How to be a good husband
How to be a good husband in Islam:
Assalamalaikum (Peace be upon you), Dear Readers,
Prophet Muhammad (صلي الله عليه وسلم) said, “the best amongst you are the ones who are best to their wives.” So dear Muslim brother! Your obligations towards your wife are not limited to earning money and supporting her financially. A wife needs love from her husband, and emotional support too!
The following are some of the quotes from Sahih Hadith regarding
treatment of women:
Jabir (ra) narrates that Rasoolallah (Pbuh) also gave these
instructions in his sermon during the Farewell Pilgrimage. “Fear Allah regarding women; for you have
taken them (in marriage) with the trust of Allah”. (Mishkat)
The Holy Prophet
(Pbuh) has said during the farewell sermon: “O people, your wives have a certain right
over you and you have certain rights over them. Treat them well and be kind to
them for they are your partners and committed helpers”. (Tirmidhi)
Abu Huraira (ra)
reported Allah’s messenger as saying, “The believers who show the most perfect faith are those who
have the best disposition and the best of you are those who are best to their
wives “ (Tirmidhi)
Abu-Darda (ra)
narrated that the Prophet (Pbuh) instructed him: “Spend as much as possible upon your family. .
. “
The Prophet (Pbuh) has
said: “Helping wives (in
their domestic work) earns (men) the reward of charity.”
Al-Aswad (ra)
Narrated: I asked A’isha (ra),
“What did Rasoolallah (Pbuh) do at home? ” She said, “He used to work for his
family and when he heard the call for the prayer, he would go out.” (Sahih Bukhari)
During the farewell
Pilgrimage the Prophet (Pbuh)
said to the camel driver: “Anjasha, drive slowly; for you are carrying (on the
camels, women, delicate like fine) glassware.” (Sahih Muslim)
Abu Qatadah (ra)
Narrated that the Prophet (Pbuh) said: “When I stand for prayer, I intend to prolong
it, but on hearing the cries of a child, I cut it short, as I dislike to
trouble the child’s mother.” (Sahih Bukhari)
Rasoolallah (Pbuh) has
said: “O men. There is
a reward in your affinity with the wife.”(Ibn Hiban)
Tips on How to Be a good Husband:
Treat her with respect & Care: Remember Allah said that your wife is made
out of your rib, which is very close to the heart. This means that she is not
meant to be oppressed or subjugated or harassed. Have you ever tried to harass
your organs closer to heart? How about cutting of an artery which is close to
heart? How about breaking all the ribs? Well, you know the result. Therefore, woman
has been made out of something close to the heart which means she needs to be
cared, protected and loved.
Refrain from insulting your wife: Never insult your wife, degrade her or
make fun of her in front of others. Nor should you ever tell about her weakness
to others. She is not your slave or servant, rather she is your partner of
life. So treat her that way!
Give time to your wife: Irrespective of how busy you are, take out
time for your wife. Spend time with her, take her out, talk to her and listen to
her. Keep one day of the week dedicated to your wife, like Sunday, and let her
know that you dedicated it specially for her. This makes her feel special in
your eyes.
Listen to her attentively: A good husband is always a good listener.
Listen to everything that your wife talks about and try to indulge in the
conversation. Don’t give a deaf ear to your wife. How would you feel if someone
gives deaf ear to you when you speak? Trust me, it is really annoying. So stop
doing this to your wife and start listening to her attentively.
Praise your wife’s beauty: Always praise your wife’s beauty in front
of her, irrespective of how ugly she is in reality. Try to make her feel
special. Use statements like “I have never seen a more
beautiful woman than you” or “You
are the most beautiful woman in this world” or “I am so lucky to find such a
beautiful woman” or “Even
if the beauty of this entire universe comes together, it is no match to your
beauty” and so
on…Praising the beauty of a woman gives her great happiness. So do it regularly
and as often as you can. This will keep her happy.
Exchange gifts frequently: The Prophet said:
“Give gifts to one another, for gifts take away rancour.” The gift may not be
necessarily an expensive one. Giving a simple “I love you” card also counts in
gifts. Try to buy her a dress or something that she wants. If you can’t afford
it, then at least let her know that you are eagerly collecting money to buy
that thing for her. Trust me, she will be flattered by this gesture and finally
you don’t really have to buy it!
Learn to give physical pleasure: It is a common complaint from married
women that they are treated like a Sex toy and that husbands satisfy themselves
and do not care for the satisfaction of the wives. Remember that women are
humans to and they too have physical needs. A good husband not only enjoys her
wife, but also reciprocates the same to his wife. This is called a healthy
mutual sex life.
Consulting others on mutual consent: A good husband always takes the permission
of his wife before consulting on their marital problems with others. A woman
feels much more comfortable if it is discussed with someone she can trust. So
make sure you take her consent.
Applaud your wife: A good husband always encourages her wife
in everything she does. Encouraging a woman in every task makes her perfect.
For example, a wife might not cook well. But if she is trying hard to learn, a
good husband would praise her cooking and effort thus encouraging her to become
perfect in it.
Share the responsibility: Is there are rule that husbands should not
look after the kids or the household work? Absolutely No! Look at the example
of our Prophet (Pbuh). The Prophet (Pbuh) said “Helping wives (in their
domestic work) earns (men) the reward of charity.” Narrated Al-Aswad (ra): I asked A’isha
(ra), “What
did the Prophet (Pbuh) do at home? ” She said, “He used to work for his family
and when he heard the call for the prayer, he would go out.” (end quote). So start helping out your
wife in washing clothes & dishes, cleaning the house, changing the diaper
of your baby and all the related work when you are at home. Stop behaving like
a NUT just because you earn for the family. You have no idea how hard it is for
a woman to manage work! Get off that couch on holidays and help out your wife!
Forbiddened to hate: It is Haraam (forbidden) to hate your
believing wife. Allah’s Messenger (Pbuh) said “A believing man must not hate a
believing woman. If he dislikes one of her characteristics he will be pleased
with another (of her good qualities).” No human is perfect. Your wife might
have some qualities that are displeasing to you, but there are surely some
characteristics that are very pleasing to you. Prophet commanded us to look for
those good characteristics in her.
Give her freedom (shariah compliant): Your wife is a human and requires freedom
and space to breath. Don’t push her too much that she breaks down. Give her freedom
as far as she is within the limts that Allah has defined. The same goes for you
as a man. Both men and women can practice freedom within the limits defined by
Allah. Let your wife have freedom to think, to do what she wants and to decide
in matters. Ask her to advice you in your decisions for the family. This makes
her feel special.
Handle her with care: Woman is fragile both physically and
mentally, hence handle her with Care!
I hope these 2 cents from my side will help you improve your
marital life, inshallah!
Praise be to Allah.
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